I’ve decided to wrap up the story of Elrond with a few screenshots I snapped before I stopped writing that little story-based AAR. I partly ran out of steam but mostly I wasn’t sure anyone was reading the damn thing so it became more work than it was worth!

Even so, I was quite happy with the construction I was working on and thought others might enjoy my diabolical scheme! Read on for some cult compound fun!So Elrond bought a huge piece of land and had it carefully constructed to keep any intruders out. Note the moat, double-thickness fence, security lights and watch tower.

From there a luxurious house was built for Elrond and Anne and a dormitory block was constructed for everyone else. Missing from these screenshots is the lavish pool and garden that was constructed for Elrond’s pleasure and the work rooms for the staff.

Finally, Anne got pregnant and delivered Elrond a son!

But would she stay in his life or would she be moved on for fresher, younger company? Would anyone be forced out of the cult for defying Elrond? Would Elrond try and create a modern-day cult harem while slowly going mad and plotting to lock up all the police and military who dared oppose him in his evil dungeon? We’ll never know!

I had a wonderful idea today! I decided to get the girls to head out and promote Simtology through a little busking and chatting to people in the park. I call it “Flirty Fishing”

Bella has become quite proficient with her guitar playing and has even written some lovely songs about how amazing Simtology is and how wonderful a leader I am. Of course, everyone in the house loves her work and we all agreed it would be great to share it with the rest of the world. To this end I instructed Bella to busk in the park as a way of promoting Simtology! Wonderful idea I am sure you will agree!

But to make it more interesting I thought Tamara and Ayesha should dress up a little more attractively to encourage passing gentlemen to chat with them while Balla plays. I think you will agree that the outfits I chose for the girls look quite fetching! Perhaps I should have them dress like this at all times. Watching the girls would be something pleasant to distract me between bouts of book writing.

I think you will agree the girls made quite an impression!

Tamara introduced me to a nice young woman, Holly Bunch, who was very enthusiastic about Dinonetics. She told me she wanted to learn more and was more than prepared to move out of her flat to come live with us in order to study in her every spare moment.

I’m not sure her young friend was particularly impressed, but Tamara did an excellent job of distracting the boy while I took Holly asside and invited her to come stay with us. I told her she would need to tithe most of her salary to support Simtology’s continued expansion, but she readily agreed and understood that the good of the many far outweighed her worldly concerned.

As for Ayesha, she disapeared for while with the young man she was talking to. She came back a while later and told us she’d done as I suggested and engaged in some deep witness. In return the boy had agreed bought some course books and had agreed to join my next round of lectures. She looked a little red around the eyes. I’ll have to remind her to try some hayfever medication.

I’m pleased Holly has agreed to join us. It will be nice to have a pretty young blonde around the house for a change.

Today Anne gave the household some wonderful news!

It looks like I’m going to be a Daddy! What wonderful news! Someone to carry on the Hubbtard legacy, someone to take on my immortal work once I transcend to higher planes to do battle with the evil Spirit Dinosaurs. This child will be special, I know it, and we will raise him in a special, loving, environment, keeping him pure and free from the terrible world out there.

Just as well our new facilities are coming together so well. I have had the initial work done and took my fellow Simtologists out to check out the work in progress. I got the local hot air balloonist to take a few pictures for the history book as well.

As you can see, we’re focusing on security here. I don’t want the outside world distracting my people from the hard study have to do in Simtology. When you are special, as we are, you must remain separate from worldly influences. With our new facility my people will listen only to me! They will remain pure and dignified and obedient! I can see a bright future ahead of us!

Everyone agrees with me, this place will offer us so much promise!

In a few weeks time our new home will be complete and we can move in and continue driving towards pure ascendance!

The Diary of Elrond Hubbtard 11 – Fishing

Everything has been going swell in the past few weeks. At least, everything was great until the police turned up…

We all woke up one morning and found the police and the fire service outside our door. The policewoman said they had an anonymous tip off that a young girl was being brainwashed and held against her will in the house. The girl was, of course, Bella, and the policewoman asked to speak to her.

Bella was really upset that someone would say such things about her and had a long conversation with the policewoman saying she was staying in the house, under the custody of her father, and was here entirely of her own free will. She ended up missing a morning of school due to those crazy accusations!

It’s disgusting to think that people would say such crazy things about our peaceful religion! I spent the rest of the day thinking long and hard about who could have made those evil phone calls and the answer came to me suddenly. It could be only one person, couldn’t it? Jocasta Bachelor. She has to be the one behind the calls, she wants Bella and Simis back to their lives of drudgery, trapped in their stupidity (everyone without Simtology is stupid, Diary).

Diary, I resolved to send a message to Jocasta. To this end I had a long chat with Tamara and Ayesha (oh, I have had them quit their jobs so they can serve me full time).

I gave them both certain instructions, instructions they were to keep secret between us. I told them that certain depraved beings, like Jocasta, need to be handled firmly for the good of Simtology. I reminded them that the greatest good of the greatest number was what mattered and that this was Simtology and the cause of a Clean Planet! With strong purpose, they went about their task.

Ayesha told me Jocasta was crying by the time they left. Good, I don’t think we’ll be seeing any more trouble from her in a while!

To celebrate Ayesha and Tamara’s success with handling Jocasta, and in particular,  Ayesha’s righteous fury, I bought an extra painting easel! Ayesha is learning to paint under Anne’s tutelage.  Ayesha has such a wonderful, gentle, artistic temperament!

The Diary of Elrond Hubbtard 10 – Legacy

I’ve been working very hard with all of my friends on developing their understanding of Dinonetics and the advanced processing I’ve revealed to them. And now, weeks later, I’m pleased to announce complete success! All of my students have achieved the state of CLEAN!

To celebrate, I told them something important. I had decided to call this new spiritual movement of ours Simtology and that they were now ambassadors of Simtology. But, before they could be completely ascendant in this role they needed to leave their past behind them and to embrace their new identities. To do this I threw a surprise for them! We all went down to the town hall and, with their details already filled out, I had them officially change their names. They all have the last name “PureBeing” now, demonstrating to the world their specialness!

After the great renaming I took everyone down to the park for a celebratory party. I had a few people join us, people who have been coming around in the evenings to talk about Dinonetics. Bella invited a couple of school friends as well, here’s a shot of me talking to one, she was pretty cute!

After the party we went home and had another celebration. It was Simis’ birthday!

That weekend we had another book launch party, this time for my latest training guide, “Attaining Clean”. I invited over a few friends but Anne got annoyed at my choice of guests! She said it was inappropriate for a man of my age to socialise with so many young women, I told her they inspired me and that this was more important than her petty opinions!

In the end it was two young women who proved the most surprising that night!  Their names, Ayesha Ansari and Tamara Donner. Both had become avid followers of my work in the past weeks and both claimed to have read Dinonetics and my other works several times. Tamara said she was ready to study further and Ayesha told me that she was jealous of Bella, Simis and Geoffrey who got to spend so much time learning from the Source of truth (that’s me, Diary).

The next step was obvious. I ask them to move in and they both agreed at once!

Here are shots of Ayesha and Tamara. I don’t approve of their street clothes, so they will be in Novice’s dress soon enough. Once they have achieved the state of Clean they can move on to dressing in the formal attire of Simtology.

Under my instruction Anne has been painting a lot of portraits of me. You can see a few of them in the background. I think my presence reminds the students of their need to constantly struggle for perfection.

With all these people in the house it has become clear that we probably need to move to a larger property. I’ve started looking and I think I’ve found somewhere.

Moving out to this property overlooking the town will cost some money. But that’s ok. A requirement for those studying under me, in house, is that their salaries go into my bank account. Considering how much inspiration and enlightenment I provide them this is an entirely fair trade, I believe! It won’t take long before we can afford this place, especially as I’m taking on more one-on-one Indexing sessions on weekdays. Oh, I forgot to mention! I’ve quit my job in the military. It’s time to work full time on Simtology, to work on Cleaning The Planet!

He was clearly upset and I could hear Nancy’s angry voice through the laptop speaker. I slapped the laptop shut and confronted him about the problem. He said his wife wanted him to come home and to stop messing around with Dinonetics. I grabbed him by the shoulders, shook him, and reminded him that his spiritual future relied on him completing the courses and awakening his inner free being.

I also gave him some new, crucial data points that I had recently discovered through my own inner communion with the spirit world. I told him that if he were to quit the program mid-stride, before attaining full awakening, he risked causing himself serious physical injury. He was amazed at that news and also thanked me for helping him get his priorities straight. He then became calm and told me that he should end it with Nancy and that he couldn’t risk her getting in the way of his studies any more.  I agreed it would be for the best.

The following day, being a Saturday, we all headed over to the Landgraab house to support Geoffrey in his brave act. He didn’t mess around, pausing only to say hello to his son (he handed him a copy of Dinonetics too! Always looking out for other people, Geoffrey!) and his baby before telling Nancy he was divorcing her.

It was just as well we were there as Nancy collapsed and needed to be helped to a chair. Once she had recovered she said she didn’t understand what was going on and why was Geoffrey talking so crazily? He cooly, and with peace at his core, told her that her constant nagging him to come home and to leave our household was like a spiritual ball and chain around his legs, stopping him from achieving spiritual transcendence. She tried to protest but we didn’t stay to hear her pathetic crying and whining. If only she chose to study Dinonetics! Everything would be clear then!

After this successful outing Simis and Bella approached me. Simis said he had been talking with Bella and they had agreed it would be best if Simis and his wife split. Simis said he didn’t want to risk Jocasta ruining the amazing spiritual gains he’d experienced through Dinonetics! We all agreed to go right away!

It didn’t take long for Simis to end that destructive relationship. We found Jocasta and her son, Malcolm, in the garden. Simis went right up and bravely told her how it was going to be!

She cried, of course,  as the peons who don’t study Dinonetics really have no control over their emotions and their intellect. They just don’t understand that this life is meaningless and all that matters is the spiritual journey to a higher plane. Oh well, as long as they are alive and can still get a copy of my book, there is hope for them I guess!

After the breakup we headed home and all had a good chat and a few celebratory drinks. Simis and Geoffrey both reported feeling much happier and as if a great weight of responsibility had been taken off their minds. They promised this new freedom would really help them focus on their studies and both felt as if their troubled past had been put behind them! What is even better is that Bella supported her father 100%! What a great day!

The Diary of Elrond Hubbtard 8 – Growth

It was Bella that started it. She came home one day dressed entirely in white, with just a splash of red. She said it represented her fresh start in life, with the white showing her new purity and the red demonstrating the fire of her Passion for the study of Dinonetics.

She’s inspired the others to join in, and so have I. At Bella’s suggestion I wear pure white in honour of the great knowledge I have tapped in developing the Dinonetics book and lectures and Indexing therapy. The more I think about it the more I am pleased we have decided to make ourselves as different from the rest of the proles in town. We will show the world through how we look, think, and act, that we are different, that we have achieved a spiritual independence they can only dream of!

Here’s me giving Bella her daily Indexing session. She first confess all of the sins, unburdening herself to me, and then she begins her chanting and the repetitive actions that confuse the dead dinos and help free the mind from the coils of this earthbound projection of the dinosaur race insanity.

Bella has even taken to encouraging her school mates to be interested in Dinonetics! Out of her own pocket she has bought copies and handed them out to friends. She managed to convince one to come home with her one evening but he didn’t seem that interested in talking about Dinonetics at all. Bella even played a song about enlightenment that she’s working on and he ignored her! I think I will have to get rid of the TV, it encourages worldly thinking.

Diary, we have a problem. Simis tells me his wife is threatening to talk to the authorities about him, claiming he has been brainwashed or some such crazy talk. Simis also says that it’s improper for Bella to be staying with us and spending so much time in intensive Indexing therapy with me. She’s starting to be a real pain in the ass who we may have to deal with some how.

I think I know what needs to be done, about all of them, all of these troublesome family members, but it will take courage from Geoffrey, Bella and Simis.

Part 7: The Diary of Elrond Hubbtard – Resolution

Over the past few weeks I’ve been working closely with my students and developed new course work to help develop their mental capabilities. I’ve instructed them that once they have understood and been fully trained they will achieve a state of CLEAN, clean of any dead dino influence! A person who is in the state of clean has perfect memory and understanding and is at the height of their intellectual capacity! Bella and her father, Simis, have been working on their study materials in every free moment! It is very exciting to see! They have even stayed over a couple of times having studied late into the night.

Here’s a snapshot of them curled up with my latest (at the time) training guide.

In the past few weeks I’ve developed a more formal study system where a trained person can work one-on-one with the student, I call it Indexing, and it is providing some break-through results! Bella has been the first person to try the training and she says it leaves her exhilarated and full of energy! She tells me that she’s realizing that what matters in life is not the material things like school and family, but attaining spiritual freedom through the study of Dinonetics and the special Indexing. It is a very exciting time for my science of the mind!

There’s only one small problem with the amazing discoveries we’re making. It seems that Simis and Bella’s family, and the wife and kids of Geoffrey can’t understand why their family members are spending so much time at our house, studying, talking and doing Indexing with me. I am not sure why they can’t see how beneficial Dinonetics is and the amazing benefits the technology is bringing to their loved ones’ lives, but there you go! Some people aren’t very smart I guess!

Geoffrey also confided in me that his wife, Nancy, is upset that he’s not at home spending time with her, their teenage son and their baby. He said that she just doesn’t understand how important his study of Dinonetics is. She is also upset that he has spent lots of money on the nightly courses and Indexing I’ve been providing. He was worried she would try and stop him from taking part.

In the end there was only one thing to do; I invited both families over to have a chat about their spouses’ (and daughter’s) involvement in the Dinonetics study. I can’t say that the meetings went too well.

Geoffrey tried talking to his wife…

So did Simis…

Neither wives were willing to negotiate. They demanded their husbands come home and stop messing around with me and my “crazy” theories. In the end it was Bella who resolved the issue…

…She shouted at her mother and told her to get out of the house and that she didn’t want to have anything to do with her if she wasn’t prepared to support her spiritual and mental development. She even shouted at Nancy Landgraab and told her to get out as well! Geoffrey looked surprised, but relieved that the problem had been resolved one way or another. We all watched (and I grinned, to be honest!) as Bella hounded the hapless family members out of the house!

Then, with nowhere to live, the next development in that amazing night was inevitable! Geoffrey, Simis and Bella chatted briefly before coming over and asking if they could stay with us and study in every spare moment. Geoffrey promised to liquidate his investments to help pay for any house expansion and Simis said he would use his retirement savings to help out. Of course, Anne and I said yes, we would love to have them!

Well, within a few weeks we had added another floor to our house and I also used some of the cash to buy a new car. When they are not at work or school Simi, Bella and Geoffrey are studying Dinonetics hard and working through their Indexing. Here’s a shot of the renovated house.

The bedrooms are a little small, but big bedrooms and fancy furniture don’t really matter when you’re working towards spiritual freedom, right?

Part 6: The Diary of Elrond Hubbtard – Community

Wow, so much has happened in the few weeks since Dinonetics was published. First up, we had a lovely book launch at the museum. Many friends were invited along and it was not without incident, let me tell you!

The launch party was great fun. So many people were interested in the ideas I put forward in Dinonetics. Here’s a shot from when we were gathered outside.

A few people had already read the book and asked me to take the time to explain the ideas further. I was so busy meeting and greeting I didn’t get much of a chance, but after some badgering from the guests I promised to set up a reading group. I even dropped in the idea of running ‘extension courses’ for a small fee. They seemed to like the idea!

But it wasn’t all good news. An old flame of Anne’s had the cheek to turn up, she seemed to get on quite well with him! I believe his name is Gunther, some long-haired European lout, no doubt!

After the launch dinner I let Anne know I wasn’t too pleased and she seemed apologetic. I am still not sure I can trust her, but if she behaves, I will forgive her.

Anyway, I set up the extension group meeting a few nights later. Four people turned up (including Anne) and listened intently as I explained how, through carefully applying themselves to the study of Dinonetics, they could become better people. I answered a number of questions around the application of the techniques I suggest and there were lots of excited nods and comments! I also got to charge $500 a head, which was quite nice.

Over the course of the next two weeks I ran two more book groups for more and more people. There’s definitely a buzz around Dinonetics and I’m recognised when I go into town, it’s pretty exciting!

The three guests at my very first study group have become my biggest fans and evangelists. They spend most evenings and all their days off at our house talking about Dinonetics and the concepts behind it. They are telling me I need to write another book and perhaps develop some courses to teach the techniques practically.

Diary, I should probably introduce you to these three people now as I have a feeling they are going to be pretty important to our future. The first is Simis Bachelor, he’s a journalist with a wife and two kids; Michael and Bella. Bella is actually the second person I wanted to introduce you to, she’s still in high school but she’s really passionate about Dinonetics! The final person is Malcolm Landgraab, a doctor with a wife and two children. The wife and kids aren’t really interested in Dinonetics, which is frustrating Malcolm, but here’s hoping they come around in time!

Anyway, that’s all for now. Until next time.

Part 5: The Diary of Elrond Hubbtard – Enlightenment

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking before I write my next book. I don’t think the world is quite ready for the fullness of my recent realization. I am going to have to break it down into pieces so everyone understands it. And this way I get to charge for each book, right? I could do with the extra money!

I’ve decided to write the first book about how we can improve our minds through the careful study of our own emotional balance. The key to it all, Diary, is my understanding of how the Spirit Dinosaurs infect our present day minds. I’m not going to explain that up-front, of course, if I did, the Spirit Dinosaurs would glue up the minds of others with Doubt. People will need to be introduced to the idea carefully and slowly so we can take the Spirit Dinosaurs unawares.

The first step to people attaining a true understanding is to accept that they are currently stressed, unhappy and unfulfilled and that this can change! The next, is to understand the concepts I will put forward and from there, to continue to read my books so further enlighten their minds and relieve the burden of the Spirit Dinosaurs’ influence! It’s all quite logical really.

Here’s a shot I took of me writing the most important book of my life. I’m calling the book “Dinonetics”. Lets hope it’s a big seller!

Anne has been very supportive while I write. She spends her free time painting and asking me how the book is going. She’s made me hang all of her pictures on the wall. I am not sure they’re the best, but she likes that I’m taking an interest.

Anyway, I’ll be back once the book is written, Diary. It’s taking up a lot of my time and energy right now!

Part 4: The Diary of Elrond Hubbtard – The Beginning