Lend me your Dwarf Fortress stories!
March 16, 2009
By now many of you (thousands by my count) will have started a fortress, perhaps for the very first time. And no doubt something disasterous has happened, like monkeys stole all your tools or you accidently flooded the fortress with water, magma, or better yet, both! While such events are heartbreaking for you after hours put into a fortress, the rest of us find them really funny. So why not do us a favour and mail them in? We will post the best in a compilation of short annecdotes from the tutorials and hey, we all might learn something too! Email editors@afteractionreporter.com and let us know what has been happening in your fortress.
Oh, look for tutorials on glass and world generation in the next few weeks!
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After Action Reporter 
I started a fortress from reading through you tutorials and this was the funny situation I had:
I wanted to clear out the roof of my cave entrance, so I set some rows of dirt to be channeled from the layer above. My digger proceeded to cave the roof in, fall through two layers of dirt to my stockpile collection below, get back up again, and go on his merry way.
But as the roof caved in, my mechanism engineer guy was laying a cage trap right underneath it. So the blast knocked him unconscious and he was caught by his own trap. I spent ages trying to find out how to get him out. The solution I came to was to “build” the cage which placed my captured dwarf in my fortress. I then swapped him with a monkey that I had captured earlier. This caused the captured dwarf to be set free, along with the monkey. The monkey tried to escape, but it ended up getting eaten by my dogs.
Lawl, very cool and very typical of DF!
I had a very similar thing happen. A digger was channelling out the roof to my entrance, when he caused a cave-in. Unfortunately, a dwarf was standing on a weapon trap at the time. Let’s just say my dwarfs were scrubbing her off the wall for a while. To make matters worse, that dwarf’s daughter was a bit sad at her sudden orphaning. Shortly afterwards, the child went insane and eventually died of thirst.
Been collecting the DF stories of my gaming group on our boards for a while now…here’s one of mine:
And so ends the tale of The Helpful Lances.
The problems began almost immediately upon arrival to Solonvel (translated in the common tongue as “Flagline”) in the year 1051 of the Smata Sagus calendar. Oh how petty these problems would seem in less than a year’s time.
Early settlement activities were hampered by a thick clot of raccoons that seemed to appear from the earth itself. “Night-biters” they were called and they left no activity un-molested. Eventually, military ranks were formed and the raccoon menace was driven out. If only the strange behavior of these usually skittish animals had been interpreted correctly.
Eventually, the settlement took a proper course and a home was made by digging into the all-giving earth. In the early summer, there was a recurrence of the Night-biters that forced all dwarves to muster and defend Solonvel. The Night-biters were laid to rest, but before the dwarves had such a luxury for themselves, clouds of miasma began to spring forth from the butcher’s shop. These clouds, although small in size initially, came at alarmingly frequent intervals. It was not long before they spread to the nearby craftdwarf’s workshop and then out into the Great Hall.
In the original assessment by Lor Onshendoren, the Judge of Intent, the miasma stemmed from unsanitary practices in the butcher’s shop. This may have been partially true, but there was a darker root that was not uncovered. Immediate and strict corrective actions were taken, and the miasma vanished. It was generally agreed, incorrectly, that the problem was resolved. Sadly, the tragedy that would unfold over the next few months was to be awesome in its scope.
Without warning, Onol Thobathel, Chief of Masonry and Craftdwarfsmanship, was possessed by unknown forces. The other dwarves in Solonvel seemed not to notice that a dark madness had overtaken him. His attention to detail was seen as commendable, and not the festering and darkly-inspired obsession that it was. Hell-bent on creating recreating an ancient stone artifact dedicated to a forgotten power, he did not notice that the recently reprimanded butcher, Stodir Ushrioror, suddenly let loose a laugh that was both fell and terrible.
Stodir Ushrioror dragged Onol Thobathel into the butcher’s shop under the pretext of helping him, but slew him upon the chopping block and set to work crafting evil fetishes from the bones of her former friend.
Truly, dark magic was afoot. None of the other dwarves seemed to notice these events, although, in retrospect, Solon Thakerith, the apprentice Fisherdwarf, may have been touched by the events before he ran towards the waiting jaws of a crocodile on the shores of his favorite river.
The camp was abandoned. When another caravan encountered the area some time later, only a single dwarf was found alive. Bim Atirotung, the Woodcutter, was found mindlessly chopping at a single willow at the riverbank. To this day, signs to ward off evil are made whenever the word Solonvel is whispered.
Strike the earth!
a) A miscalculation on my part ended with a dwarf standing on a narrow bit of dirt that he was digging a channel into. He fell two levels through thin air and broke both his legs when he landed on a dog, breaking two of the dog’s legs also. As soon as he regained consciousness, the dwarf puked all over the dog. 😦
b) Two of my dwarfs got married and decided to throw a party at the well just outside the front of the fortress. Inconveniently, two goblin ambushes happened to show up just a few minutes after. Two skill-less immigrant peasants got taken out by goblin crossbows before my squad of champion wrestlers got out there and ripped them all to pieces with their bare hands. I then checked the unit list and the dwarfs were still ‘attending party’. NOTHING STOPS A DWARF PARTY.
Parties are SERIOUS BUSINESS!
I didn’t noticed that I was embarking close to an edge of a chasm. the game loads and when its finished . my cats and horses plummet off the edge into the abyss. Rough start but it gets rougher lol. my hunter takes his crossbow and off he goes killing game and such. he starts chasing a creature(it was either a kolblod or a goblin) they go up a z-level and he’s ambushed by another creature of the same type. He unloads bolts on them but it’s useless. they mangle his head , throat left leg and spine. He’s laying their knocked out and in pain. the creatures are alive but knocked out. .
I guess sensing danger my carpenter runs to the aid of my hunter only to lose an eye. Guess one of the creatures woke up suddenly and attacked. The carpenter quickly returned to the fort and proceeded to make beds. Those two instances were omens for the fate of my fort as two of my dwarves went crazy and killed the rest. One eyed was the last to die.
I bet the carpenter just wanted to steal someones socks, not help the poor hunter… 😉
I lost several dorfs to Carp, at least one every time I ran outta booze. At one point, a dorf spent a month trying to get to her husband’s corpse, ’cause it was in the river.
I’m working on my first fortress, based on the tutorial…
While it’s quite solid, there’s some stuff in it I’d want to change now to suit my play style, but I’m so attached I don’t really want to restart 😀
Anyways, it’s a pretty well developed thing now. Population of over 100. I have very little for a military though.. 5 swordsdwarves (one of which who was injured for over a year and bedridden), and 3 marksdwarves.
Well, I’m sitting there, minding my own business when about 40 goblins come to attack me, just as a trading caravan has come now less. Ack… Well, I don’t have much in my base. I’ve set up some walls outside to work as choke points and lined them with a few cage traps, but not enough for all these guys…
The goblins start to rush us.. a few go for the caravan, and I’m grateful just to not have them all at once. A large group starts heading to my base, a few traps snap them, but as they’re straggling in… a dragon appears to the south! Jesus fuck, it’s the first time I’ve seen one of these…
The dragon makes a beeline for my entrance.. right where the goblins are attacking…!
The dragon attacks a few of the stragglers at the back of the goblin pack.. the rest of them turn around and pull their attention to the dragon too… and the ones that were attacking the caravan finish up with it and head down to attack the dragon too (or to come to my base, and get drawn into the fray).
The goblins surround the dragon. Attacking him in a mad frenzy. The dragon is breathing fire like crazy, laying waste to the goblins and surrounding countryside. Goblins stumble from the battle in flames and collapse a few feet away…
The movement stops, smoke and ash is everyone, I can barely see what’s going on…. by the time it clears, the wounded dragon is hobbling towards my fortress… Goblins, all slain.
He hobbles slowly, menacing… when… he gets caught in one of my last cage traps!..
I look outside and recap what’s happened. An attack of 40 or more goblins, and a dragon, and all I’ve lost are a few stray dogs that were outside…
I gain an amazing dragon for my zoo, the piles of armour from the goblins which are perfect for melting down, and the loot from the downed wagon earlier! Luckiest fortress ever.
That’s an awesomely dwarfy story!
Awww lucky bastard, all I get is hordes of goblins stupid enough to charge wildly through my flood chamber of killy death. Seriously, watching them be absolutely shredded (in the face) by weapons traps while being simultaneously drowned gets old eventually. I demand dragons! Or maybe one of the titans or colossi that I’ve been hearing about…
I had an awesome fort, right? There was an entire magma vent as my moat. The fire imps had vacated it early and sat around without doing much. Anyhow, I’ve trapped some elves in my depot, and a litle while before they go insane, I’m CERTAIN that one of them mindcontrolled first one fire imp, then another, into killing a bunch of dorfs and tantrum-spiralling my fortress to death.
Never again.
Sounds like an entirely normal end to a Dwarf Fortress! Hehehe.
Well I started my 6th fortress after all my other fortresses got either flooded by magma and miasma , goblin raped , antman raped , cavefish man raped , or troll raped yep twas a sad bunch of fortresses till I went through your tutorial and then I completely revamped my strategy to my newest fortress Abbeyale of the golden god founded by now let me tell you its story
(and its downfall) …. Abbeyale of the golden god was started by a group of peasants named the Coin of Picks the founder being Sodel Thikutamith. the problems started late for the as the group discovered a Spiral staircase deep in the center of the mountain made with precession and masterly the staircase went down 5 miles allowing the Coin of Picks to be able to find a starting spot for the new grand fortress the problems were clear as walls had to be set to cover the entrance to this grand fortress and the stone was the roughest stone ever found on the Land of Cleansing so as the walls were raised and the quarters designed times looked good for mighty fortress untill IT HAPPENED to be specific the happening was when the Miners were exploratory digging near the spiral staircase and then found the worst things of all !CAVERNS! now I must remind you AbbeyAle did not have a miltary at this point they only had a squad of 3 brave milita soliders armed with copper battle axes and wee little leather armor. what they found in the caverns was a Advanced Antman Civilization Armed with Blow guns and Spears Marching at Abbeyale. the Antmans took the Dwarves by surprise slaughtering 5 dwarves intill the brave Swordwarf/fishcleaner Nil Tunakir Saved the Dwarves from extinction. … when the Antmen invaded they took control of the Workshops and bedrooms and slaughter many dwarves… The dwarf milita was sent to kill the antmen (they were successful as the Antman had wooden armor) after killing most of the antmen army the Dwarf milita commander Kosoth led a Party to raid the Antmen City as they were killing Antmen Kosoth and the party got separated by a couple of Antmen Ambushers after the Antmen Killed most of the party (btw Nil wasnt in the party) only Kosoth was left fleeing the Antmen for his life meanwhile Nil Got word of this and outraged he grabbed his War Axe and armor and went down there to save Kosoth from the Antmen .. Kosoth Running for his life was backed up against the wall and brutally beat by the antmen helpless with out a weapon all he could do was call for help as the antmen stabbed him with theyre wooden spears but then Nil that brave brave solider heard his call and found him only to find 3 antmen soliders guarding kosoth Nil using his skills in the art of Axeing Charged chopping the first antmen straight through then dodged the antmen spears parrying them leaving the antmen wide open then with 2 swipes slicing a antmen in 4 pieces ,then the last antman was backed up against the wall with Kosoth(Kosoth is unable to move and is very pale and vomiting)Lunged with his spear. Nil with one final sweep Slices the antman head off but The Spear that the antman was carry dropped in such a angle that it hit Kosoth in the heart. Nil:NOOOOOOOOOOo but it was too late Kosoth was stricken down by his comrades hand Nil: too sad to lost a friend left the caverns shortly after the medical dwarfs arrived taking Kosoth’s body with them to be buried in The Tomb of heroes (a tomb project which consists of a tower going about 8zlevels upward then at the top are statues with burial receptacles at the top) after that Nil Left the Milita to become a stone detailer in the grand halls of the king and to this day you can see a carving of the Milita Commander Kosoth slaying a Antman in the kings hall. Now further with the Fortress, after the great antmen wars the antmen made peace with the dwarves agreeing on living on their separate Levels. Due to casualties of the war the dwarvian production grounded to a halt(not because of tantrums or fun) because of lack of ale. after about 2 seasons the ale was back in production and dwarf production was speedy and fast ,and the dwarven economy kicked in which provided even more complexity to the fortress. And luckily for the dwarves they have discoverd the hugest silver, gold and iron deposit in the surrounding area so life was good with people working and the economy rising and the newly formed miltary was being very successful in killing the goblin ambushes that is intill the elves invaded and the Seige of Abbey ale and battle of the halls of Heroes (another project I made) and I had lots of fun fighting the elves with golden armor and swords intill they were able to break in and kill the miltary and imprison all the dwarves … so thats how much fun I had how about you?
Thanks for the great story!