After Action Reporter

In our previous exploration of Homeland Defense: National Security Patrol, we explored the freeplay mode, beat up an old lady, and went broke. So far, so like the Federal Government, amiright? Hoho!

Today we’re going to check out  a challenge, specifically, keeping the illegals from crossing the border! You see, those dumb foreigners have got themselves into a civil war and now some of them have the audacity to hope that the US will come to their rescue! But they are mistaken! We are going to be working as hard as possible to keep them out of America.

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Yesterday I promised an AAR for a curious RTS game about running a US border post. The game, Homeland Defense: National Security Patrol, is a Valusoft title released in 2008 and now available for a few dollars over at Impulse. And since I promised, here it is, and everyone better be grateful, because this has been a painful, painful experience.

The game can be summed up easily. It’s Command and Conquer meets a Tea Party rally. It’s an RTS (although a terrible one) where your job is to stare at your border post ensuring your border agents vigilantly check everyone crossing the border for drugs, lack of legal entry permits or shock, the chance they are a terrorist. If you catch one of these ne’er-do-wells, you throw them in your detention center and interrogate some justice into them.

Or you could just tase them to death.

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So goes the final line of one of the two reviews for “Homeland Defense: National Security Patrol” on Amazon.com, or as I will call it from now on, HDNSP. Rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?

HDNSP is a title that see the player “Plan, construct, staff and maintain border command centers, conduct city patrols and engage in anti- smuggling investigations.” You also get to experience the fun of “interrogat[ing] detainees to gain information about [the] future plans of smugglers or terrorists seeking to harm America”… because “illegals” are not all drug smugglers after all, they could be terrorists, right?

I noticed this game when it was brought up on QuarterToThree.com and being the sap that I am I volunteered to check out this little-known title from 2008. Not only that, I would write up my experiences on this site, so you to can join in on the fun of arresting brown people, building detention centres and interogating folks!

The game is installed, my mouse hand trembles in anticipation. Watch this space.